Beyond Busy: Building Belonging
It used to be so easy. Growing up, we had neighbors, classmates, teammates with instant connection baked into everyday life. Back then, we didn’t need to think about or work at belonging. It came with the calendar. Life was full. Busy.
Later, our careers did the heavy lifting: shared goals, hallway chats, people we’d see day in and day out in person or in virtual meetings.
But as we age, those ready-made groups start to fade. And suddenly, connection isn’t a given. It’s something we have to create.
That’s where many of my clients find themselves. And maybe you can relate. Know this - you’re not alone if you’re craving real connection.
One client recently shared: “Since we moved, I haven’t been able to find friendships that match what I had before. I keep showing up to events, but it feels like something’s missing.”
Another said: “Outside of work, I don’t have many close friends. When I think about retiring, it’s just me and my wife. And while I love her, I miss having that kind of involvement with others.”
Then there’s the couple exploring two home bases. Their question: “If we split our time between two places, how do we ever build a real sense of community?”
All of these are different stories but they speak to the same longing: To feel part of something. To belong. To connect. So… as we move into and through retirement what does connection look like now?
This is where I often pause and ask a deceptively simple question:
What does connection mean to you?
Because “community,” “friendship,” “being social” - they’re all words we use easily. But have you really sat with what they look like for you?
Is it one trusted friend you can call anytime?
A group where you feel welcomed, even if you’re not deeply known?
Volunteering alongside others who share your values?
Just a handful of familiar faces in a coffee shop where they know your name or recognize your face?
There’s no one right answer. But when you define it for yourself, it becomes easier to build what actually matters to you and not what you think you “should” want.
This isn’t about being surrounded. It’s about feeling seen.
One client had a powerful realization: she was craving community, but lacking one-on-one connection. That part of her had gone a little quiet after years of disuse. And that’s not uncommon. We can be around people and still feel isolated. Because real connection starts small - with vulnerability, with presence, with showing up even when it feels awkward.
Even for those splitting time between two places or considering a seasonal lifestyle, the same truth holds: it’s less about how long you stay somewhere and more about how intentionally you engage while you're there.
If any of this is stirring something in you, here are some reflection questions to consider:
What does connection mean to me right now?
When have I felt most connected in the past?
What kind of relationships am I craving and where might I find those?
What’s one small way I could reach out, reconnect, or get curious this week?
Bottom Line? You Don’t Need a Crowd. You Need a Spark
You don’t need to rebuild your high school crew or find a dozen new best friends. But you do deserve to feel part of something again. Connection in this next chapter isn’t about replicating what once was. It’s about clarifying what matters now and taking steps to build it with care.
And while it likely won’t happen overnight, it can happen if you start where you are, get clear on what matters, and take one intentional step at a time. It’s worth the effort…and so are you.
Conflux Retirement Coaching is about merging the best of who you are with who you want to become. As social creatures, connection matters. We each define belonging in our own way, but meaningful relationships don’t just happen. They take awareness and intention. In retirement, where connection isn’t built into roles or routines, being clear about what you need, and reaching out, matters more than ever. The invitation? Reach out, be the one to start the conversation. The reward? Feeling grounded, engaged, and truly part of something.
